In 2022, I began my Master of Social Work journey. That same year, within just six months, I supported two birth mothers—both diagnosed with terminal cancer—as they created adoption plans for their children.
I sat with them as they wrestled with unimaginable questions: What will be my lasting wish for the future? How will my children remember me? How do I ensure they carry my story forward, even when I’m no longer here?
Not all adoptions carry such immediate and heartbreaking circumstances. But those moments with these mothers changed me. They made me realize that my adoption practice needed to shift. I couldn’t just focus on the “placement” or the surface-level narrative of adoption. I needed to focus on the deeper truths—the grief, the loss, the trauma, and the resilience at the heart of every adoption story.
I’ll admit—my classmates probably grew tired of me. Every paper, every project, every chance to tailor an assignment, I turned it toward adoption. But for me, it was an opportunity to grow my knowledge, deepen my skills, and explore how to better serve the families and children I walk alongside.
Trauma-informed adoption practice means shifting our focus to the well-being of the child—not just the comfort of adoptive parents, and not just the joy of “successful” adoption stories.
Adoption always begins with loss. A child loses their first family, their first attachments, their first sense of belonging. That early trauma shapes development, health, relationships, and identity well into adulthood. Trauma-informed practice doesn’t deny the beauty adoption can hold—it simply ensures we don’t overlook the pain that comes with it.
When we acknowledge the impact of trauma, we create space to respond differently. We take steps to support healing. We ensure children grow up with honest stories, tools to regulate their nervous systems, supportive relationships, and families who understand the weight of what adoption means.
What does this look like in practice?
- Honesty in storytelling: Supporting children in knowing their full story—not just the “happy” parts.
- Supporting birth parents: Holding space for their grief and ensuring their voices are not erased.
- Preparing adoptive families: Equipping them to understand trauma responses, attachment needs, and identity struggles.
- Centering the child’s needs: Recognizing that adoption is not a one-time event but a lifelong journey.
- Integrating grief work: Helping both children and families acknowledge loss as part of the adoption narrative.
Trauma-informed practice in adoption is not about removing hope—it’s about grounding hope in truth. It’s about recognizing that adoption stories are layered with love, loss, and resilience. And when we hold all of that with honesty and compassion, we give children the best chance to thrive.